The Fears of a Heart

The fears of a heart…
I love someone, more than one can display as an art.
A silent wish escapes my lips today, in front of the God who once lived, oh Father!
To take away the love from my small heart
‘Coz now we don’t talk, we don’t see each other.

There was a time when we used to steal kisses in middle of the sea
Now it’s a new partner he seeks, not our dreams or my plea.
All this ‘coz of his dear ones, said he
What do you call this if not destiny for me?

I remember the day that brought us together
It was the month of May & afternoon of a holiday.
Destiny played its role so neat, he knew his heart skipped a beat.
I was like a princess wandering in my fantasy land, unaware that I had caught someone’s eye.
Then came June, out of the summer’s bloom
It was a blessed day, when the three Gods went their way – ‘Ulto roth’ they say.

It was hard to tell if he was even acting sane
Because I remained as poised & calm as the same.

They say I am a fighter, but barely do they know the lover behind my rough armour.
He approached with love in his smile, hope in his eyes, trust in his heart
It was the first time I saw a man as mine.
Unknown as the dark, sweet & sour as lime,
Unaware, I went along oblivious of the slime.

Three long years went by, our boat rocked & jived
With loads of prayers & hopes gone to the hive.
No one knows the fears of a heart
When an intense relationship catches a wrong spark
I love someone, more than one can display as an art.

Every day his last words ring in my ears…
Have some self respect & call me never.
Thus I went away as far as I could
To fool my heart & as my dignity cried I should…

I don’t know if today is a day that brought us close or tore us apart
But a silent wish escapes my lips & is deep in my heart… in front of the same helpless God.
I love him more than I can display as an art.

I dream of you not every night

I dream of you…
Not every night but at nights when I don’t see you.

I remember you…
Not every day but while doing anything without you.

I have a hope…
Not that you’ll come back but that some day you’ll want me with you.

I pray for you…
Not every moment but whenever I talk to God.

I have an apology…
Not for you but for all the times I have hurt you.

I love you…
Not more than myself but more than you.

I miss you…
You’ll know how, if you’ve loved someone somehow.

But I know you…
You think I lie & I know I don’t mean anything to you.

Looking for my Worth on the Highway

Trakiya highway in Bulgaria
Sitting at the window sill overlooking the NH4 highway… There’s a road that joins the two important cities. I wonder if there’s any path that joins two hearts. Two stranded hearts one of which is sinking with no hope and the other misguided with… It is a difficult phase that tears you apart when you are helpless and know there’s nothing to look forward to. The failure of a pure love and a trust that comes with a bond. Depression and nothing else becomes your companion.

The feeling of morose is so overwhelming that you turn blind towards your achievements and forget the worth you have. No amount of consoling words help you when someone repeatedly betrays your trust and punishes you for sins you don’t even know you have committed. The achievements and accolades of years fade in front of the grief of being abandoned. I like my solitude but feel lonely. I followed my principles and many a times bent too to save the disaster. Isn’t it heart wrenching when people don’t understand the difference between ego and self respect?

The number of males is more in my country than females. I also know that there fewer men who stand up for themselves if not for the right. I wish I too had a support when injustice had captured me in those four walls. I kept waiting for him to come and there wasn’t even a phone call. I kept my faith. A firm belief that he hadn’t earned. May be that’s where I was wrong but am happy I fulfilled my part of the promise. I never went out of communication. I tried and kept trying but as they say poison is stronger than any emotional string… The path between the two hearts were broken and poisoned beyond measure.

The highway is always busy but the two ends remain the same. The two cities that it connects are there to complete the journey. But I am lost and wish no one loses their path that connects their heart to that one person for whom you can sacrifice anything. Let me get up and find my worth. It has lost somewhere on the highway. An accident that cannot repair the damage it caused.

Look into my Eyes and tell

Look into my eyes; tell me I am a liar
Test my character; tell me I am a cheater
Fiddle around with verity; tell me I am a player
Try my patience; tell me I am rash
Peep into my heart; tell me I am happy
Look for a true companion; tell me I am not one
Fall in bad times; don’t you see me around?
Put your ego aside; am I not down to the ground?
Seek my love, is it too remote to find?
Why not try again; but you seem to mind!
It’s not you I know; and it isn’t somebody else that knows.

Ask for a link; you’ll find many
Look for a chance; you’ll get many
It’s only the will it takes, not an ounce of money
Look into my eyes; tell me I am a liar
Ask your conscience; tell me if it’s true
You never loved me, did you really do?

There’s a Void

lonely girl, sad love, separation quote

There’s a void, an emptiness
Wondering what went wrong when there was so much happiness…

Hope seems to be laughing at me
As if it knew what the result would be…

Time flew as it does
Now there’s no turning back as I blush
There’s a shame more than pain
Coz I pushed myself & gave a lot
But all in vain, all in vain…

The wait was long & painfully so
Will it happen or will it not?
Will he come or will he not?
Does he miss me or does he not?
No answers, but only hope to sow…

Tears washed away the fears
Strength regained by meeting peers
Work gave a renowned assurance
Money built up my distorted cheer…

It is finally the end, with lack of speculation & trend
May God bless us in this sensitive spell
As it may break the belief in love
After all, what’s left when the ego gains
And the poor heart is left to drain…

Nothing is unexpected or new
A known process of reverse bloom
Yet now there’s an emptiness
Wondering what went wrong when there was so much happiness…