I didn’t Know what I Put at Stake

I can't make people Value me. All I can do is show them Who I am, what I Feel. It's up to them to realise my Worth.
I was losing myself; didn’t care about what I put at stake
I was being pushed deep down the dirty drain with false allegations & hurtful blames
I struggled hard to satisfy them; gave away everything I had
I tried my best to deny the complaints but only to have them amplified

I got up after every hard blow but the blows became harder to bear
I wound myself in a lonely shell, but only to be knocked down with a brutal tear
I was numb with their despicable outrage
They say with time everything wears out
But the only thing that went by was my age

They doubted my sanity, convinced my love I was mentally ill
My heart bled; I was a post graduate with subjects failed in nil
I was losing myself but had a strong hope that truth will prevail
I turned weak & didn’t realise I stooped too much instead of bend
I was losing my worth & love for self
Am I really abnormal & so bad? – were the only questions I ever had
I was losing myself; didn’t realise what I put at stake

I was made to fast & wear some stones
To put some sanity & purity in my soul
I did it all to convince my love
I was there & waiting just for you
Please be back & trust me soon
It’s hurting me no end; don’t you believe me or have I lost again?
I kept waiting for the call to get answered
Why didn’t you pick up & end the mystery?
Was I so threatening or you wanted to see me in misery?

I am losing myself, waiting only for the hope
Only to realise the months flew by with darkness to grope
Where are you, why did you leave me?
They said, “Come on son! Chuck her; treat her with your silence & be happy!”
They screamed & hurled bad words in his absence
There was no means to hold his hand & get in touch, other than just pray
But I had faith & a strong hope that our love will definitely pay

My sanity was questioned time & again; I didn’t know what I put at stake
It was the end of a year & was yet to hear from my dear
Hope was wearing away, leaving deep scars on my thin protective shell
I was sinking but still kept trying to prove myself
Then I learnt I had nothing to wait for, there was no one coming to take me
I now realised what I had lost & how much I put at stake

I discarded my worth & pushed respect out of my soul
Only for a promise that he had once made
My sanity is doubted till date; I still don’t know what they thought I would partake…

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Sometimes you just have to Give up

sad woman in black-and-white
Sometimes you just have to give up…
You can’t keep tolerating being taken undue advantage of
You can’t keep taking shit for something you don’t deserve
You have to call it quits when someone repeatedly strips you off your dignity in front of others
You need to say No to abuse when the person doesn’t realise his words tear you apart
Sometimes you just need to give up…

I am not God, neither am I so strong to bear the insults time and again
It hurts, r e a l bad when you don’t take me with you, when you just abandon me
It hurts when you stop communicating, it hurts when you party without me
It tears me apart when you don’t care, I cry & cry no end till my eyes hurt
I am not a God but a miserable wife in love…

I can understand you don’t miss me, but I can’t understand why you married me
I know you don’t want me, but I don’t understand why you married me
I can feel your hatred and dislike, and that I don’t even deserve to know why
Sometimes you just have to give up…

I feel shattered and totally tattered in my new saree
No happiness no peace because of the harrowing emptiness
All my sacrifices going down the drain
How I wish it all went away with the rain…

I am not a manipulative liar, nor am I after your money
Just a crazy wife in love who kept waiting to be taken along
I never wanted you to be trouble, patiently prayed for a good job opportunity
I was ready to wait, didn’t know it would be for eternity…

Sometimes you just have to give up, BUT
I never thought you would be the one to give up…

To a Beloved Husband

I love with passion, hate with caution, go all out for my beloved…
He is a good man, has a child-like heart, needs to grow up to handle a strong woman…

Headstrong I am but also sensitive, show I not coz it is my defence, I need to soften up & adjust just a bit…
But so does he coz his defence is a bad tongue & oh! it hits…

Sad I am for the clashes of our two hearts,
But understand it’s a girl’s dignity at stake, request you not fun to make

Trusted deeply & loved no end, faith galore & ego to bend…
Hurt me not dear I am there to fend, be polite & ways you mend

A wife I am, no girlfriend to hide… Be a man & learn to ride
It is you & me & the wedding vow, Not others to interfere & cause you to woo

Hamper not my self respect, take care of your mouth,
I am a woman of honour, not a door mat you bought

Away will I go & leave you at peace, Coz it’s deep love for you that I can’t grieve…
Will you be alright & value my sacrifice? Once I go, I might not look back twice…

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ekta bouer moner koshto

shakha pola lohar aamar shouk galo mitey… thakurer paye chhadlam shidoor aamar kopal diye…

maatha aamar uchu chaai, mon bhore bhalo basha… duto bhaat aadorer, aar ekta basha… chaai na poisha kodi, kintu chaai shanti… bhoroshaye boshe ghor, nahole borbadi…

bhalo beshechi okey kintu obhimaan aamaro aachhe… chhi! nongra kotha bodo gaye lage… mero na aamaye khoob betha hoye… baddho kore aamaye shore jete… bhoye kore na tomar je pachhe chole jaye…?

thakurer ee to mon chhilo, aar chhilo tomaro… niye gele biye kore ato door eshe, kintu chao ni aamake nijer shathe rakhte… rekhe dile door ek konaye kaar shathe… je dilo na bhalo basha chheler bou bole…

aami to bhebechilam hobe Maa-Babar moton… kintu mithhe kotha bole korlo aamar maatha noto… aashi ni aami galagaal khete… aar aashi ni aami maar khete…

atto shomman er chahida aamar achhe, dite parbe sheta tai dekha dilo… Mey hoye jonmechhi, chhele hobar dorkar neyi… aamake manusher moton dekho, nongra jontur moton noyi…

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