Cancerous Friendship

All the years of togetherness gone with the wind…

While cruising along on my bike on the wet highway with my companion, the drizzling rain, I was left with only tears.
No hope, no reason, no goodbye, only memories floating above with the clouds passing by.

I tried to peer hard into his eyes when we last met, all I could see were balls of fire demanding an end.
The large, beautiful eyes spewed only anger and loud expressions of unwantedness.

I couldn’t see the people around, I couldn’t see the guards around, I could only see the alien in him that I’d never seen since it all began.

We had met on a highway and had quite an eventful journey…
Riding on our favourite bikes we bumped into each other seeing the models we rode. Blame the monsoons or call it destiny,
We were taking recourse to sipping coffee while watching the oil dripping & engines smoking.
Then began the epic story of how we conspired to own these bikes, how us rebels fought the multiple thoughts.

Thus, commenced the beginning of a beautiful companionship of numerous journeys…
Sometimes it was the stargazing that we admired, sometimes the gushing river, sometimes the silent backwaters of a dam, and sometimes the tilling of a farm.

But… who knew it would all abruptly end one day…
While the new generation was celebrating friendship’s day, I was wiping my tears away…
Someone played a foul game and tugged at the weakest string… as delicate as it were, there was nothing left to wring.
The unspoken promise came to a shattering end.

I was peering into the darkness of the long road, was straining my ears to hear the familiar ring, but it was all in vain ‘coz I had forgotten the instructions to get away…
I was a controversy that he wanted to end, to put someone else in peace. I couldn’t utter a word to ask, ‘will I too have a piece?’
My hurtful gaze was smashed with anger & in the numbness I could hear my heart beat.

It was raining then too, and I wished we did not meet. I could stop the tears back then but now it’s a different me.
As I rode the bike along, I imagined him beside me, the revving engines & smiling at each other heading for a cup of tea.

While everyone celebrated the friendship day I mourned the death of a friend for me.
I didn’t know I had become cancerous, didn’t realise someone could snatch away my place. I remember peering into his eyes… and the spite that replaced his kind gaze.

The balls of fire burnt my soul as I was asked to walk away… I didn’t want to be a controversy & put him in trouble.
All I wished to know what antagonised him for throwing all these years away, couldn’t I do anything to make it all a new weave?
But all I got was a feeble question turned into a spiteful roar…

‘Can’t you just leave? CAN’T YOU JUST LEAVE!’

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Looking for my Worth on the Highway

Trakiya highway in Bulgaria
Sitting at the window sill overlooking the NH4 highway… There’s a road that joins the two important cities. I wonder if there’s any path that joins two hearts. Two stranded hearts one of which is sinking with no hope and the other misguided with… It is a difficult phase that tears you apart when you are helpless and know there’s nothing to look forward to. The failure of a pure love and a trust that comes with a bond. Depression and nothing else becomes your companion.

The feeling of morose is so overwhelming that you turn blind towards your achievements and forget the worth you have. No amount of consoling words help you when someone repeatedly betrays your trust and punishes you for sins you don’t even know you have committed. The achievements and accolades of years fade in front of the grief of being abandoned. I like my solitude but feel lonely. I followed my principles and many a times bent too to save the disaster. Isn’t it heart wrenching when people don’t understand the difference between ego and self respect?

The number of males is more in my country than females. I also know that there fewer men who stand up for themselves if not for the right. I wish I too had a support when injustice had captured me in those four walls. I kept waiting for him to come and there wasn’t even a phone call. I kept my faith. A firm belief that he hadn’t earned. May be that’s where I was wrong but am happy I fulfilled my part of the promise. I never went out of communication. I tried and kept trying but as they say poison is stronger than any emotional string… The path between the two hearts were broken and poisoned beyond measure.

The highway is always busy but the two ends remain the same. The two cities that it connects are there to complete the journey. But I am lost and wish no one loses their path that connects their heart to that one person for whom you can sacrifice anything. Let me get up and find my worth. It has lost somewhere on the highway. An accident that cannot repair the damage it caused.

There’s a Void

lonely girl, sad love, separation quote

There’s a void, an emptiness
Wondering what went wrong when there was so much happiness…

Hope seems to be laughing at me
As if it knew what the result would be…

Time flew as it does
Now there’s no turning back as I blush
There’s a shame more than pain
Coz I pushed myself & gave a lot
But all in vain, all in vain…

The wait was long & painfully so
Will it happen or will it not?
Will he come or will he not?
Does he miss me or does he not?
No answers, but only hope to sow…

Tears washed away the fears
Strength regained by meeting peers
Work gave a renowned assurance
Money built up my distorted cheer…

It is finally the end, with lack of speculation & trend
May God bless us in this sensitive spell
As it may break the belief in love
After all, what’s left when the ego gains
And the poor heart is left to drain…

Nothing is unexpected or new
A known process of reverse bloom
Yet now there’s an emptiness
Wondering what went wrong when there was so much happiness…

Save the Tig(er)ess

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