Looking for my Worth on the Highway

Trakiya highway in Bulgaria
Sitting at the window sill overlooking the NH4 highway… There’s a road that joins the two important cities. I wonder if there’s any path that joins two hearts. Two stranded hearts one of which is sinking with no hope and the other misguided with… It is a difficult phase that tears you apart when you are helpless and know there’s nothing to look forward to. The failure of a pure love and a trust that comes with a bond. Depression and nothing else becomes your companion.

The feeling of morose is so overwhelming that you turn blind towards your achievements and forget the worth you have. No amount of consoling words help you when someone repeatedly betrays your trust and punishes you for sins you don’t even know you have committed. The achievements and accolades of years fade in front of the grief of being abandoned. I like my solitude but feel lonely. I followed my principles and many a times bent too to save the disaster. Isn’t it heart wrenching when people don’t understand the difference between ego and self respect?

The number of males is more in my country than females. I also know that there fewer men who stand up for themselves if not for the right. I wish I too had a support when injustice had captured me in those four walls. I kept waiting for him to come and there wasn’t even a phone call. I kept my faith. A firm belief that he hadn’t earned. May be that’s where I was wrong but am happy I fulfilled my part of the promise. I never went out of communication. I tried and kept trying but as they say poison is stronger than any emotional string… The path between the two hearts were broken and poisoned beyond measure.

The highway is always busy but the two ends remain the same. The two cities that it connects are there to complete the journey. But I am lost and wish no one loses their path that connects their heart to that one person for whom you can sacrifice anything. Let me get up and find my worth. It has lost somewhere on the highway. An accident that cannot repair the damage it caused.


Sometimes you just have to Give up

sad woman in black-and-white
Sometimes you just have to give up…
You can’t keep tolerating being taken undue advantage of
You can’t keep taking shit for something you don’t deserve
You have to call it quits when someone repeatedly strips you off your dignity in front of others
You need to say No to abuse when the person doesn’t realise his words tear you apart
Sometimes you just need to give up…

I am not God, neither am I so strong to bear the insults time and again
It hurts, r e a l bad when you don’t take me with you, when you just abandon me
It hurts when you stop communicating, it hurts when you party without me
It tears me apart when you don’t care, I cry & cry no end till my eyes hurt
I am not a God but a miserable wife in love…

I can understand you don’t miss me, but I can’t understand why you married me
I know you don’t want me, but I don’t understand why you married me
I can feel your hatred and dislike, and that I don’t even deserve to know why
Sometimes you just have to give up…

I feel shattered and totally tattered in my new saree
No happiness no peace because of the harrowing emptiness
All my sacrifices going down the drain
How I wish it all went away with the rain…

I am not a manipulative liar, nor am I after your money
Just a crazy wife in love who kept waiting to be taken along
I never wanted you to be trouble, patiently prayed for a good job opportunity
I was ready to wait, didn’t know it would be for eternity…

Sometimes you just have to give up, BUT
I never thought you would be the one to give up…

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